Film Review: Forrest Gump
Welcome to Colby Day’s Friday Film Review of Forrest Gump. Any movie that has a retarded guy as the main character wins Oscars, sure, but are they ever any good? After you’ve seen Forrest Gump you’ll know the answer: yeah. I never saw this until now, because I was always like “How can a little gimp boy always be running around? Doesn’t make sense.” But then someone explained how he couldn’t run until he really needed to, and then I was like “Alright.” So I watched it.
Forrest Gump: Five Stars
Forrest Gump is this weird guy who lives at a bus stop and tells people about growing up and doing crazy stuff. When he starts the story he’s a weird kid living somewhere in the south in this big house that his mom uses as a hotel for some reason and his legs are all crippled and clamped in weird metal things and this girl Jenny’s always running around with him (well, not running, but, you know). He likes it fine, even though people tease him for being a stupid retarded cripple who can’t walk. But Jenny hates it because her dad beats her up or something and so she’s always climbing into trees and crying.
One day Forrest has to run really fast to get away from some mean people, and Jenny’s all: “Run!” He starts running, but the braces are on his legs and they’re creaking and slowing him down but then they break off and he’s cured. It’s a miracle. Oh, before that he meets Elvis and shows him how to dance.
Right, so, his legs are better and he plays football and he’s really good but he never stops running. This makes practice very difficult. Then he’s in the army and he’s always running around there too, and his Lieutenant Dan’s mean, but in a nice way so you still like him. Then everybody in Vietnam gets blown up, and Forrest runs around saving them, especially Bubba but he can’t save Bubba because Bubba’s pretty dead already. So he saves Lt. Dan.
Dan’s all pissed because he doens’t have legs and can’t walk around so he still acts mean to Forrest even though Forrest got shot in the butt for him. Forrest is really good at ping pong and beats China in the ping pong championships and Richard Nixon talks with him about bathrooms and soda pop.
He and Lt. Dan start fishing for stuff and make a lot of money but Dan’s always falling into the water and nearly drowning so Forrest has to save him. Forrest’s mom is really old now and she dies and he decides he should run across the world, and he does that about a million times and makes up a bunch of funny t-shirts until he decides he doesn’t want to do that anymore because he has a big beard that gets in the way of his legs.
After the running, Jenny’s crazy on drugs but she and Forrest make out in the pool in Washington and then she tries to kill herself but doesn’t and then she has Forrest’s baby but she dies and they bury her and Forrest cries a lot. He takes his kid to school, and the kid’s pretty cute and stuff and Forrest’s sad but he lives in the big house hotel again so he’s happy.
When he finishes his story everybody on the bus is all, “that’s sad, but a good story,” and this feather floats around longer than any feather ever should.
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