Film Review: Crank
It’s time for yet another film review, and in honor of the recently released trailer of Crank 2 (aka Crank: High Voltage), this week’s Colby Day Film Review will be of the modern American classic: Crank 1 (aka Crank: Regular Voltage). Also, I will embed the redband trailer for Crank 2 below.
Crank: Five Stars
Let’s see… Crank. So, this bad ass British dude who lives in Oakland for no apparent reason is double crossed by the asian mob he works for and they’re all “We poisoned you with crazy adrenaline stuff”, and he’s all “Oh shit.” So, to not die from the adrenaline stuff he has to do all sorts of crazy shit to get more adrenaline in his body to counteract the adrenaline bomb in him or whatever. And he fucks Amy Smart in the middle of Chinatown, and runs around with a boner, and crashes a motorcycle into a restaurant. The movie ends with a crazy shootout on a roof with a bunch of strippers in weird stripper-pods, and then he falls off a helicopter from a million feet up and while he’s falling he calls Amy Smart and is all “Hey, what’s up?” and she’s all “Nothing” and he’s all “Alright, cool, bye.” Then he crashes into the ground. But don’t worry. He’s not dead. That’s how there’s a sequel.
Here’s the trailer to that sequel, and it looks like someday it will have it’s own five star review.
While I can’t review the film yet since it’s not out, I can already tell you my guesses for how the movie goes down:
So our bad ass English pal is even more bad ass because he almost died when he fell off the helicopter and then he’s double crossed by a different asian mob gives who him a crazy heart that’s running out of electricity. So, to not die, Jason Statham has to do a ton of crazy shit to get more electricity to his machine heart that’s running out of electricity. And he fucks Amy Smart in the middle of a race track, and crashes a cool car, and yells at a bunch of prostitutes on the street. He also blows up a power supplier thing and gets a nipple jump start from some Mexicans in a low rider. The end probably involves a lot of shooting people, and he’ll end up on a car careening into the Grand Canyon. But don’t worry. He’s not dead. Trilogy.
Five Stars, definitely.
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