Who would’ve know that taking one celebrity’s head and putting it on another celebrity’s body could be this amusing?
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Many readers regularly e-mail to ask things like, “Colby, how can I be as multi-talented and attractive as you are?” or “What is the appropriate holiday tip for a doorman?” While the thousands of e-mails I get like that can be flattering, they’re also somewhat of a drag on my time. I simply can’t give out life advice all the time. However, Phil Greely, our resident advice columnist, will be able to from now on in this weekly column: Ask A Guy Riding a Unicycle. read more…
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As people complain more and more about the death of the newspaper (and yet that damned thing keeps making its way to my doorstep), many are wondering just how the news can sustain itself in such tough economic times. Fortunately, I believe I have come up with a solution that will not only please those hoping to gain valuable information about the world around them, but also large corporations hoping to trick the ignorant masses who still read the news into purchasing their products.
I am proud to present, for the first time ever: Sponsored News. read more…
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Dear Internet,
Thank you very much for not noticing my extraordinarily long absence. I know it must have been difficult to remain silent so long, but without your silent consent I may never have been able to not entertain you for all this time.
I know it was hard for all of you waking up each day to find I hadn’t taken four seconds out of my day to just post a link to someone else’s hard work. But imagine how hard it was for me to not post occasional self-promotional plugs (speaking of which, new episodes of College Cooking 101 are now available at www.CollegeCooking101.net) or commentary on which fast food chain has the best chicken sandwich (Wendy’s, and I’m going to keep saying it until I get some for free).
Trust me, I love clogging the internet! Not only do I think my opinions are more important that everyone else’s, but I’m also terrified of this intricate computer network gaining the power of sentient thought. I had hoped that the vast outpouring of rage and confusion over my absence might just be the shock needed to completely overburden the internet and shut it down. But it seems I was wrong, and while I don’t apologize for anything ever, if I did it would be for that.
Well, internet, I’m back in my tireless pursuit to defeat our future technological slave masters while simultaneously entertaining you with my sporadic thoughts (I prefer to only think when absolutely necessary, and mostly about food). Because clearly, readers, you haven’t exactly been vocal enough about missing me to do it yourselves.
Sincerely,
Colby Day
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I’m putting this up without even watching it, I’m that confident in Zach Galifianakis’ funniness. Now, without further adieu, Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis and Natalie Portman.
Funny? As I expected.
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USA Today reported this morning that The Chicago Museum of Science and Industry is opening a new exhibit in the hopes of gaining visitors in this troubled economy. The new exhibit will be dedicated to Harry Potter, and designed to capitalize on how much children like the character. Simultaneously, the museum is hoping to capitalize on how much children dislike science. read more…
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First of all, thanks to all of you who watched College Cooking 101’s pilot episode, and thanks to me for bringing it to you. I’m sure you enjoyed it, and learned a lot about cooking as well as about the Pope’s checkered past. If you haven’t seen it yet, you still can by visiting the show’s website. If you did, I’ll bet you were beginning to worry whether you would ever get to see more of it. Well, my friends, the answer is yes. Keep reading to find out how (read: more video below). read more…
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Here’s a little piece of radio news from The Onion. It would appear that Brad Pitt has signed on to play the part of the Top Hat in the upcoming Monopoly adaptation.I was worried radio was dead, but it’s clearly a viable medium for made up movie news that is pretty much no more outlandish than regular movie news.
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I think that the people responsible for Snakes on a Plane may have inadvertently stumbled upon a surefire bet for their next sequel: Monkey-Fighting Snakes on a Plane.
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Despite NASA’s move to deny Americans their god-given right to expect joke-names that are written in during elections to actually count if they win, Stephen Colbert accepted their decision to name the new space nodule “Tranquility.” But, at least he gets a treadmill named after him, and a cartoon sticker. Video below. read more…
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