This Post’s for You Osijek, Croatia

Dear Osijek, Croatia:

Did I do something to offend you? I don’t remember making any off-color jokes about Croatians. I don’t even know any jokes about Croatians, I’ve always imagined them to be a somewhat humorless people. At least, I did, until you started reading my blog. I can’t imagine what I could have done… your completely inexplicable visits to my site used to be the best parts of my day.

I remember it like it was yesterday. How excited I was when I logged in to Google Analytics only to find that I had, for no reason whatsoever, a steady readership in your beautiful Croatian city. My heart raced as I went to Wikipedia to find out where the hell Croatia was, and discovered it was in fact a country, and a country that was near other countries I knew something about.

Imagine my excitement when I looked at the article on your fair city and found out that one of your main tourist attractions was a suspension bridge that leads to somewhere not your city. How quaint a town this must be! How delighted I was to find that when you weren’t regularly visiting my website, you were probably cooking traditional Slavonian specialties like paprika-flavored sausage, or fish stew made with paprika, or just paprika! Oh, be still my heart!

But that was long ago Osijek. You stopped visiting altogether. I haven’t even gotten so much as a courtesy e-mail either, just the cold-shoulder. I must admit, I feel betrayed. Is there a new blog that Osijekans (I don’t even know what people from Osijek call themselves, how wonderfully exotic) go to in order to read fake letters from Orville Wright? Is it the language barrier? That never used to be a problem for us. You never seemed to mind that I couldn’t speak Croatian, or whatever it is you speak in Croatia!

I know you’re dealing with a lot right now, since you’re going to be hosting the 2009 World Men’s Handball Championship, but you can’t use that as an excuse. I’m busy too. Busy checking Google Analytics in the hopes that maybe someday you’ll come to your senses and come back. Back where you belong. On my website. For no apparent reason.

With all my love,

Colby

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