Open Letter to Companies or Products:

Dear Companies/Products,

As you may know, the internet is used by literally tens of thousands of people on most weekdays. Many companies/products have decided to use this new informational medium as a platform to promote their goods/services. This is called internet advertising, or advertising for short.

Advertising on the internet is very similar to advertising done not on the internet: you pay minor celebrities to talk about your company/product in a positive manner, and then the dumber, more easily influenced plebeian class purchases said product. This time-honored method has been used by many companies such as Amstel Light, Dove Soap, and Beef. Take, for example, the advertisements used for Tables. The “It’s What You Put Your Stuff On” slogan revolutionized the home storage market as we know it. The average American already has a large supply of floor which could be used in lieu of Table. Without clever advertising, who ever would have bought such a superfluous luxury item?

It is clear that advertising  will not be going away any time soon, and with many people now beginning to use the internet multiple times per week, reaching your target demographics has become easier than ever before. The widespread popularity of this youth phenomenon can be used to your advantage. By advertising online, you could literally expand your market share significantly.

Of course, one must decide where to put internet advertising, or advertising for short (see above for explanation), in order to maximize exposure and minimize cost. Where best to do this? Obviously, you would want an internet advertisement that speaks to youth groups, as they are simultaneously the most easily swayed demographic (other than senior citizens with advanced dementia, though they rarely use the internet) and most likely to waste money on unnecessary status symbols in order to establish themselves within their peer groups (or Peer to Peer groups, as evidenced by their proclivity to spend $1.99 to “gift” a virtual “sock” on Facebook).

It is with all of these complicated factors in mind that I present the solution. For a small negotiable fee, you can become an advertiser on Colby Day Writes Things, a premiere weblog visited by literally tens of people. If even ten percent of the site’s visitors clicked on your advertisement, that would be at least one person a day, and it may very well be more than that. As this weblog is focused on presenting news, comedy, and film (among other topics), the demographic of visitors is quite varied.

How would your company’s advertisements integrate into the site? How does internet advertising (advertising) work? Let me explain. Let us say that you choose to advertise on an article discussing breaking news. An example of that advertisement would look something like this:

“Useless News [Title Subject to Change]: April 6th, 2009
Brought to You by: Toaster Strudel

An earthquake today rocked the Italian city of L’Aquila in the Abruzzo region. As of now, it is feared that some 150 are dead, with countless more trapped in their own homes underneath the rubble. Hopefully, they have some delicious Blueberry Toaster Strudels in their freezers to tide them over until rescue workers are able to reach them.

More updates to come on the state of the devastation and the current death tolls. Toaster Strudel, Get Your Strudel On!”

You may have read that and thought “I really like the direction this is going, and respect it’s synergy. But doesn’t the news change every day?” That’s right. Naturally, when you pay for internet advertising with Colby Day Writes Things you can arrange to advertise for as many days, or longer periods of time, as you choose. You need not worry, either. The news stories will change depending on what the news is that day.

If you, or any other products/companies you know of are interested in taking advantage of this exciting new outlet for consumer relations, feel free to contact Colby Day in order to get a list standard rates. Donations of products are also accepted in lieu of cash payment. Feel free to pass this valuable information on to anyone else you may know of who would be interested.

Sincerely,

Colby Day

Marketing Guru
Writer: Colby Day Writes Things

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