Useless News: December 4, 2008
Big Three Begging for Even More Money
The big three automakers (GM, Chrysler, Ford in case you still do not know) are meeting with Congress again today in order to once again plead for money. This time they have planned a different strategy: asking for more money. There’s no better way to prove you’re fiscally solvent than asking for even more money than you were turned down for the first time. Instead of explaining how they expect the American economy to collapse if their companies go under, this time they plan on talking about building fuel-efficient cars in the future. Another valid strategy for the American automakers to take. Talk about how inefficient your cars are now. That’s reassuring. It sounds like they’re still listening to their advisors over at Saturday Night Live.
Studies Prove South Sucks
The American Public Health Association has released a report that ranks Louisiana as the least healthy state in America, displacing Mississippi due to high obesity and smoking rates. Mississippi, however, still has the highest rate of people married to their own cousins. While most of the Northeastern states ranked fairly well, Southern states are all stuck at the bottom like lard in an artery. The study ranked the state of Vermont to be the healthiest, for the second year in a row. One reason the state ranks so high is its obesity rate of 22%. Twenty two percent is impressive since it’s about four below the national average. It’s also impressive since it’s about twenty one above the international average.
Obama’s In-Laws Make Sitcom History
Barack Obama’s mother in-law may live in the White House with the President and his family. In a move that would provide for years of awkward moments and misunderstandings, the newly elected first family is considering keeping Michelle Obama’s mother around to help take care of their two daughters. Multigenerational households make up only 3.6% of American households, and 74.4% of American sitcom households.
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