O.J. Simpson Is Not Not Going to Jail
2008 December 5
O.J. Simpson was sentenced to at least 15 years in prison this morning. In an emotional appeal, Simpson said he “was not there to hurt anybody.” Let’s get this straight: when O.J. Simpson enters a stranger’s hotel room with a gun, he does not want to hurt anybody. And while we’re on the subject, O.J. Simpson did not kill his ex-wife. Just like he did not feel good about publishing a book detailing how he did not kill her. In related news, when O.J. Simpson say the word “not,” he actually means “most definitely.”
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