Live Blog: Election Night Coverage
8:16 PM – Arrived home. Realized election happening today. Turn news coverage on to appear socially conscious.
8:48 PM – Still confused by numbers on bottom of screen.
9:22 PM – Realize numbers stand for election points, number of voters (?), and one other thing.
10:03 PM – Numbers are for the Senate? Leave apartment for liquor store. Leave television on so neighbors believe I’m politically aware.
10:21 PM – Return from liquor store with vodka, whiskey. Devise drinking game: Shot of whiskey for every swing state going to all-american McCain, vodka for communist Obama.
10:49 PM – Realize this might be a bad idea. Swing states continue to go back and forth, much like swings. Continue anyway in name of science.
11:11 PM – Finish alcohooolollolol.
1:29 AM - People, very excited about public transportation, spontaneously cheer driver named Yeshwi Kahn.
4:29 AM – Wake up on floor in own bodily fluids. Move to bathtub. Seems remarkably comfortable at time.
2:21 PM - Wake up in bathtub. Not nearly as comfortable as previously believed.
3:13 PM - Bookie calls to collect money. Discover Barack Obama won. Discovery why people spontaneously cheered on subway. Had nothing to do with driver.
5:07 PM - Writing from library. Bookie took computer. Excited for immediate redistribution of wealth now that Barack Obama in White House.
5:29 PM - Am told Barack Obama doesn’t take office for months.
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