5 Things to Ask My Therapist

1. Is it racist to assume that the Asian man in sweats who just got off a bike outside my building and is carrying a large paper bag is delivering my Chinese food and not just an Asian man in sweats who rides a bike and carries Chinese food around with him?
2. Why when I see someone crying am I compelled to eat cotton candy and go to the Port Authority?
3. Am I a narcissist for thinking the gay man who makes my coffee and refuses to charge me sales tax wants to sleep with me? Or just a homophobe?
4. What exactly does my recurring dream about Buddha raping my paternal grandmother in the middle of the Monterey Bay Aquarium on the Fourth of July mean?
5. Who should I blame for my inability to settle down with a girl? My mother for dressing provocatively when I was a child and attempting to castrate me, or my father for abandoning me as a child and sleeping with my girlfriend?

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