Well reader(s), I’ve got some important news. It seems that, in between important meetings about the security of the state, Barack Obama reads this blog. That’s correct, I’ve been endorsed by good old B.O. (now I know why that nickname never caught on for him). Not only does he read this blog, but he even digs through the archives, reading articles from long ago.
How, you might be asking yourself, and me (I hope not, since I can’t hear you), can I possibly know that Barack Obama reads my blog? Well, because he left me a very polite comment: read more…
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Sorry, that was inappropriate. Good thing your kids weren’t reading this blog. Wait, you are a kid? What are you doing here? Do you like candy? Do you want to help me find my puppy in the basement? Oh, why don’t we take some pictures?
Wait, what? Sorry about that also. That was even more inappropriate than the first inappropriate thing I wrote.
Give me a break, I’ve been off the internet for a long time. I’ve had no outlet for my snark and strange behavior other than every day life, which is simply not enough for some of us. While I’ve been gone, I’ve been busy producing a feature film I wrote, entitled “I Don’t Want to Kill Myself.” I keep describing it as a dark comedy, but that’s only because I hate the word “dramedy.” I don’t know if I can even really call that a word. It’s more a meme? Sorry, this is getting very technical and beside the point. For more information on the film, you can check out the website: www.IDontWanttoKillMyself.com. The website kind of sucks, but you know what, I bet you didn’t produce a feature film during this time, did you? No? And you didn’t build the website for that film you didn’t produce, either? Odd.
Wow. So rude. I don’t know what’s come over me. It’s probably time for a nap. Remember, this is one of those few moments I’ll say anything about what I’m doing, so don’t fear. We’ll be back to jokes about Taco Bell giving the Prime Minister diarrhea in no time. Phew.
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Well folks, if you’re not already following me on Twitter, you missed out on the beginning of a revolution last night. It all started when I recorded The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift a few weeks ago because I thought, “I bet that’s bad.” As it turns out, it may be the best movie I have ever seen. Ever. In fact, I was so Fastly & Furiously hung over from it today that I had to watch five hours of cool cars crashing into each other before I could even get out of bed.
Of course, the movie was the best movie I’ve ever seen, but how does that help you? Well, I tweeted about it. My tweets included such gems as: “I like the driving fast cars aspects of this film, but the emotional elements are leaving me pretty confused. More racing! Less break-ups!”And then, when things got more intense: “This race is too intense! THE ROAD IS SO NARROW FOR DRIFTING!” It was a rollercoaster of emotion, but now, one that you can capture from your own home every week.
All you have to do is follow me on Twitter! This coming Monday I will be watching “Shoot ‘Em Up” because I saw it on cable once and thought “I think this movie will be ridiculous.” I invite all of you to rent the movie, or find it on your Tivo’s and watch it with me at the same time as I provide my incisive, all too excitable, commentary via Twitter.
It’s a Movie Monday revolution that someday our grandchildren will learn about in history class because by then it will have replaced the real revolution in terms of relevance to American culture as well as badassness.
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Unfortunately, dear readers “Ask A Guy Riding a Unicycle” is currently on hiatus. Our resident Guy Riding a Unicycle is currently in the hospital after a nasty tumble off the unicycle sent him through an open sewer grate. Apparently he was in the act of writing his advice column with his iPhone when his unicycle’s tire exploded and we can only be thankful that Guy Riding a Unicycle has not decided to sue me.